


on a battleship of baggage and bones (an avalanche of faces you know)

by ehemfitz



Category: Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-07
Updated: 2013-02-07
Packaged: 2017-11-28 12:13:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/674285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ehemfitz/pseuds/ehemfitz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She hadn't been the only one.</p><p>That's what she told herself, in those quiet moments when she woke up shivering from a nightmare image of dark hair and green skin. Everyone had been deceived. She wasn't alone in her guilt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	on a battleship of baggage and bones (an avalanche of faces you know)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Femslash February, with the prompt "she woke, shivering, in the dark of the night."
> 
> If you're not familiar with the events of Secret Invasion, this is probably going to be hard to follow. I played around with continuity a little bit, so if something seems off to you, there's a chance I consciously changed it to fit my needs. I also possibly changed around with when Jessica would have been replaced by Veranke, so be patient with me. There are also spoilers for the most recent issue of Captain Marvel.
> 
> IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: I am not going to add the archive warning for non-con, because I don't feel it's appropriate here, but please note that there are mentions of intercourse where one partner was not who the other thought it was (if I say the name Veranke, you probably know what I'm talking about already).

She hadn't been the only one.

That's what she told herself, in those quiet moments when she woke up shivering from a nightmare image of dark hair and green skin. Everyone had been deceived. She wasn't alone in her guilt.

It didn't make it any easier.

-

It had started innocently enough, with a sudden realization of just why her love life had been a total disaster for the past few years. Maybe her heart just wasn't in it enough. Maybe it was busy elsewhere. She asked Jessica to lunch, and in between the appetizer and the entrees, she explained her theory.

"So, I realize it sounds a little crazy, and don't think you have to feel the same way, but we've known each other for such a long time, and you mean so much to me that I couldn't not say anything. I just thought you should know. That I have feelings for you. More-than-friendly feelings. Obviously."

Jessica looked at her for a moment, then looked back down at her plate. Carol was about to make a horribly awkward joke about pheromones to break the silence when Jessica finally responded.

"Well, I'm glad one of us finally realized what was going on between us. I think I feel the same way about you, and I have for a while."

Carol gaped at her. "Seriously?"

"Well, sure. I mean, you've been the one constant in my life for years. I've never managed to hold down a serious relationship. I think you're the reason." Jessica shrugged, smiling a little as she said it, like it was nothing, like she confessed those sort of feelings to her best friend everyday.

"Oh. Okay. So, are we going to do something with this then?"

"I guess we are." Carol smiled and reached across for Jessica's hand, thinking that somehow it felt different than it always had.

-

It was easy. That was the worst part, looking back. How simple and easy it was, to fall into that pattern of stealing kisses in the kitchen and letting her hand linger on a hip covered in red spandex after a battle. They'd told Steve they were together (well, Carol had), and then let the rest of the team figure it out for themselves. Nothing had changed between them, really. Everything was normal, business as usual, except for the nights where Jessica clutched the sheets and tried not to scream as Carol took her apart with her tongue, and the days where Carol saw Jessica sitting on her couch with Chewie in her lap and was frightened by how _right_ it looked.

It wasn't until after the registration act, after Steve was gone, after she thought that everything in her life had already been turned upside down, that everything Carol had truly turned to shit. 

-

"Hey, the theater down on 8th is having a Star Wars marathon on Friday. You up for it?"

Jessica looked up from her book. "Sure. I probably owe it to Chewie, at any rate."

"I still don't know how I never forced you to watch Star Wars before. There's just something so wrong about that."

"Well it's not like I've had a lot of leisure time in my life," Jessica pointed out, some lingering bitterness behind the joke.

"We're just going to have to catch you up then," Carol said, shooting her a reassuring smile. "I've got a meeting across town right now, but I'll be back before dinner." She kissed Jessica goodbye before heading off, not realizing that the call Jessica was about to get from Tony Stark, telling her that Elektra was a Skrull and he knew it, would change everything.

-

"Tony? Tony?! What's happening?"

"He's having a seizure, something's wrong with the armor. Someone fly him out of here!"

Carol grabbed him, managing to get airborne just before the Skrull imposters attacked the remaining Avengers. By the time she got back to the fight, it was too late. Jessica wasn't Jessica anymore. Had she ever been?

-

The ship of prisoners crashed, and Jessica- the real Jessica, the one Carol knew but didn't know anymore- came running out to her, throwing her arms around her, not knowing what she'd missed. Not knowing that Carol was the worst friend, the worst partner, for not being able to tell the difference. So Carol put on her strongest face, tried to be the one bit of comfort and sanity that Jessica had. The one thing that hadn't changed in the face of utter chaos.

Jessica didn't need to know that Carol kept waking up, expecting a warm body and long dark hair to be there next to her. She didn't need to worry about Carol or the things that she had done with Veranke. She had her own demons, her own struggles, her own memories from the invasion that needed to be dealt with first. Carol cound handle it.

-

"So you and Hawkeye."

"Hm?"

"Is that a thing?"

"I guess so. If his ex doesn't scare him off too much."

"Do you like him?"

"What sort of question is that?"

"It's just a question, I don't know. This whole thing came out of nowhere."

"I guess I do. We both like hot dogs. And he likes my hair."

"Well, that sounds like a winning basis for a relationship right there."

"What's your point here, Carol?"

"Nothing. Really. I'm happy for you."

Jessica stared at her a moment, searching for something, before nodding. "Well, thanks."

-

Carol couldn't fly. She didn't even pay attention to the intricacies of what the doctor was trying to say. All she heard was that she wasn't allowed to fly anymore. Fuck that. But the thought weighed on her. The idea that there was something in her brain that could be killing her, that it was so dangerous she couldn't take to the skies, made her mad. So she flew anyway, flew to the first person who came to mind.

Jessica opened her window, surprised and a little angry to see Carol airborne. "What the hell are you doing? The doctor said no flying!"

Carol shrugged, not wanting to talk about it.

"Get in here."

Carol went in through the window, landing on her feet and pacing a bit before stopping and looking back at Jessica.

"Don't give me that, you know I can't stay in one place for long. I can't be grounded, I can't have my own body be so out of my control that it'd be killing me without my knowing it. I just can't. It's not possible."

Jessica's face changed, from anger to understanding. "Carol..."

"No, don't give me that. I don't want pity, not from anyone, and definitely not from you."

"I'm not giving you pity! You think I don't understand what it's like to find out your body isn't totally under your control? To find out its been doing things behind your back that you didn't know about?" She walked over to Carol and eased her down so they were sitting side by side on the bed, putting her arm around Carol gently. "It's okay to be scared too, you know. You don't just have to be mad."

Something inside Carol just _broke_ , and suddenly she was crying, quietly, not losing herself in it, but releasing all the fear she'd built up since the doctor had told her the news. Jessica just rubbed her back, waiting her out. Carol gave a last few sniffles and wiped her face before looking at Jessica, who gave a small, reassuring smile.

"Oh, hell," was the only warning Jessica had before Carol's lips were on hers, confident and warm. It didn't take more than a few moments for Jessica's brain to catch up, and she was kissing back, surprised but not displeased.

Carol gently pushed her back onto the bed, stroking down her side with her hand as Jessica wrapped her arms around Carol, trying to pull her closer as they kissed.

"Is this okay?" Carol whispered as they paused to catch their breath.

"Do I look like I'm complaining?"

Carol responded by kissing her again, fiercely, then swung her leg over and straddled Jessica before kissing down her neck. Jessica moaned quietly, stroking her hands down Carol's body and cupping her ass. Carol reached down and pulled off Jessica's shirt and bra after waiting for her nod of approval, kissing and licking her way down her body, teasing her nipples before continuing to lick across her stomach, against a hipbone. She pulled off Jessica's sweatpants before teasing a finger inside her.

"Carol," Jessica said, sounding breathy and impatient.

"Hm?"

Jessica whined, making Carol smile before she added two more fingers. Jessica started pushing down on to her fingers, desperate for more, but Carol pulled her hand away. Jessica made a noise of incredulous offense before Carol leaned down and swiped her tongue over her slit, making Jessica shriek with surprise. She teased her lips before probing inside, running along the edges, then added a finger. Jessica was desperate for more, trying to stop herself from rutting against Carol's mouth, when Carol brushed her thumb over Jessica's clit, making her whine loudly as she clenched around Carol's tongue and finger. Carol fucked her through it, letting up only when Jessica made pushing motions with her hand in the air.

Jessica lay there for a few moments, trying to catch her breath, before she motioned Carol up towards her. Carol was still fully dressed, somehow, and Jessica quickly remedied that before rubbing against her wet slit and slipping three fingers inside. Carol moaned and started pushing down on Jessica's fingers, close enough already that just a few movements of Jessica's fingertips inside her made her let out a loud noise as she came against Jessica's hand.

"Holy shit. What did we just do?" Jessica said, laughing a little as Carol flopped down next to her.

Carol smiled at her lazily. "I've wanted that for a long time."

"Oh you have, have you?"

Carol hummed and smiled before realizing something and shooting up in the bed. "CLINT. OH GOD, CLINT. I'm so sor-"

"Carol, calm down. Clint and I are done."

"What? Since when?"

"Since he told me he cheated on me and I dumped his sorry ass."

"Why the hell didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know, you had so much going on, it just didn't seem right. Sorry, I know I should have told you."

Carol looked at her, trying to decide something. She sat up straighter, squaring her shoulders before speaking. "I need to tell you something too."

Jessica raised one dark eyebrow. "Okay."

"Back... before. When Veranke was here. We did this."

"You fucked the evil Skrull queen?!"

"No, no. When she had your shape. I didn't know it was her, obviously. But we, well, we were together. You and I, or that's what I thought."

Jessica just looked at her. "We were _together_? Years ago, now, we were together, and you didn't think I deserved to know?!"

"You think this was easy? You think I didn't look at you everyday and think about how much I thought I loved you only to find out it wasn't you? Bullshit. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done."

"Then why the fuck did you do it?!"

"It was for you!" Carol paused, taking a deep breath before continuing. "You had just gotten back, you had enough shit to deal with, horrible things, your identity had been stolen, your friends wouldn't even look you in the eye. It wouldn't have been right. I couldn't ask you to deal with my issues when you were barely coping with your own."

"And after?" Jessica's voice was quieter, but it held no small amount of anger. "You didn't think I deserved to know about this sooner?"

"I should have said something. But you had a thing with Clint and it wasn't right. It was never right. I couldn't stand to force you into something you wouldn't want, I was afraid you'd do it because you thought you had to. And then tonight I just couldn't do it anymore. I needed you, like how I used to need you, and you were there."

Jessica rubbed her hands over her face, sighing frustratedly before looking back at Carol. "C'mere."

Carol went, letting herself be pulled against Jessica's chest. 

"This isn't over, okay?" Jessica's hands stroked through Carol's hair as she spoke. "We have a lot to talk about, a lot of issues to deal with. But I'm willing to do that, together, if you are." Carol nodded her head, looking up and meeting Jessica's eyes. "Okay."

-

She hadn't been the only one.

That's what she told herself, in those quiet moments when she woke up shivering from a nightmare image of dark hair and green skin. Everyone had been deceived. She wasn't alone in her guilt.

But now, finally, she wasn't alone in its aftermath either. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written smut in my entire life, so I apologize for my pathetic attempt.  
> I also apologize for writing such a painfully short fic for a topic that deserves incredibly long fics that explore the aftermath, but I am a very novice writer and I did the best that I could (which isn't very great). Regardless, I hope it wasn't too painful to read, despite the horrible jumps in pacing and the vague explorations of emotion that should've been more fleshed out.


End file.
